God knows you and He chose you to be His child. He wants you and always has. He always loves you more than you have the capacity to understand and He forgives you for the stuff that you’re having trouble forgiving yourself for and even for stuff you’ve forgotten about.
God has a plan for your life that will bear fruit. He has work for you to do - so do it. He will equip you and empower you when you take action. The Lord is with you.
“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.” John 15:16